{"id":3652,"date":"2022-09-21T11:50:34","date_gmt":"2022-09-21T10:50:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/?p=3652"},"modified":"2023-03-23T17:54:23","modified_gmt":"2023-03-23T17:54:23","slug":"importance-of-safewords","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/importance-of-safewords\/","title":{"rendered":"Why are safewords so important, not only in BDSM?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Safewords are one of the most well-known components of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/bdsm-guide-for-bondage-beginners\/\">BDSM<\/a>. Although many people may believe that safewords are only necessary if you\u2019re deep within the BDSM community, it\u2019s actually a recommended practice for anyone engaging in sex with a partner (or partners).<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"#whatisasafeword?\">What is a safeword?<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#whydoweneedsafewords?\">Why do we need safewords?<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#whentouseasafeword?\">When to use safewords?<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#howtochooseasafeword\">How to choose a safeword<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#safewordsandgroundrulesinbdsm\">Safewords and ground rules in BDSM<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#safewordsareimportant\">Safewords are important<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Keep reading to learn everything you need to know about safewords, why they&#8217;re important and how you can start using them.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"whatisasafeword?\"><strong>What is a safeword?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>If you\u2019re unfamiliar with the concept of a safeword, don\u2019t worry, we\u2019re going to break it down for you. Safewords are an incredibly important and critical aspect of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/bdsm-guide-for-bondage-beginners\/\">BDSM<\/a>. However, they can be useful even if you don\u2019t engage in BDSM play.<\/p>\n<p>While it\u2019s easy to think that safewords might put a damper on sexual encounters, adding pressure and rules, it\u2019s actually quite the opposite. Safewords exist to maintain a safe environment for all parties, and specifically to ensure the mental and physical safety of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/exploring-submissive-sex\/\">submissive partner<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Dr Jess O\u2019Reilly, host of the Sex With Dr Jess podcast told <a href=\"https:\/\/www.askmen.com\/sex\/sex_tips\/what-is-a-safe-word-and-how-does-it-work.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\">AskMen<\/a> that a safeword is &#8220;a word you use to indicate that you\u2019ve reached your limits and you want to stop play&#8221;. When you use a safeword, all parties involved should stop whatever acts are in play and check in.<\/p>\n<p>Essentially, the purpose of a safeword is to give a clear and obvious message to all those involved, that the person who has given the word either no longer feels safe, is uncomfortable, or simply wants to stop.<\/p>\n<p>Given the importance of ongoing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/a-z-sexual-consent-in-sex-work\/\">consent<\/a>, it\u2019s critical to always honour the calling of a safeword, and that play does not continue until all parties have checked in with one another.<\/p>\n<p>It should go without saying &#8211; although it always bears repeating &#8211; that if you haven&#8217;t agreed on a safeword, it\u2019s important that participants pay attention to more obvious signs of discomfort, like &#8220;no&#8221; or &#8220;stop&#8221;, or changes in demeanour or vocalisations. This can always be aided by a continuous practice of checking in with your partner(s).<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3688\" src=\"https:\/\/vivastreetuk.wpengine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-1.png\" alt=\"couple having sex\" width=\"1080\" height=\"608\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-1.png 1080w, https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-1-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-1-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-1-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-1-600x338.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 1080px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">&#8212;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 id=\"whydoweneedsafewords?\"><strong>Why do we need safewords?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Safewords are critical to ensure the enjoyment of sex for all parties. Nothing is sexier than entering a sexual encounter with complete confidence and trust that you\u2019ll be safe and respected. The security that safewords offer allows participants to unlock a whole new world of exciting and new sexual adventures.<\/p>\n<p>Because much of BDSM involves pushing boundaries, it\u2019s not uncommon for someone &#8211; most often the submissive partner &#8211; to say &#8220;no&#8221; or &#8220;stop&#8221; as a knee-jerk reaction, without actually wanting play to stop.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/what-is-cnc-consensual-non-consent\/\">Consensual non-consent (CNC)<\/a> is common in BDSM and kink communities, wherein you can safely explore pushing the boundaries of consent, while in reality being in a completely controlled and safe environment.<\/p>\n<p>Having a safeword that is completely divorced from what we normally think of to mean &#8220;stop&#8221; can allow all parties to be fully engrossed in the scene, and also allows for there to be no confusion when and if the word is said.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"whentouseasafeword?\"><strong>When to use safewords?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>While ideally, you\u2019ll never need to use a safeword, it\u2019s still important to know when you should feel empowered to use it if you need to.<\/p>\n<p>Call out your safeword at any point that you feel physically unwell. You shouldn\u2019t hesitate to use a safeword if you feel dizzy, queasy, or numb. It should also be considered if you get a headache, need to use the restroom, or feel that you\u2019re being restrained or handled too roughly.<\/p>\n<p>Furthermore, if it\u2019s psychological boundaries that you\u2019re pushing, use your safeword if you can no longer handle whatever it is that\u2019s going on. When the play moves from thrilling and positive to upsetting and negative, you shouldn\u2019t hesitate to call out your safeword.<\/p>\n<p>BDSM is all about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/how-to-explore-kinks-fetish\/\">exploring your limits<\/a>, and part of that is feeling confident and empowered enough to know when you\u2019ve hit yours.<\/p>\n<p>That being said, there\u2019s no need to reserve safewords for solely BDSM settings. Although that\u2019s where they\u2019re most commonly used, it can be a healthy practice to implement them in all sexual activities. Not only can it help normalise safewords and bring a positive energy of consent to the encounter, but it also allows you to practice and get comfortable with them.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re nervous about remembering your safeword or want to get comfortable with it so you can confidently use it, it may also be a good idea to practice using them outside of sexual situations.<\/p>\n<p>In general, if you\u2019re new to using safewords or are playing with a new partner, it\u2019s a good idea to always check in before you begin any sexual activities. Just do a quick verbal check that you both know what the safeword is.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What if you can\u2019t speak?<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Now, you may find yourself in a situation where your ability to speak is obstructed, which would of course make it impossible for you to call out your safeword.<\/p>\n<p>But don\u2019t worry, there are plenty of creative ways that you can signal you want to stop, so you have a plan B should you be unable to speak for any reason.<\/p>\n<p>Make sure to always choose something that makes sense for you and the situation. Non-verbal options can range from snapping your fingers, pinching or tapping your partner, and stomping your feet.<\/p>\n<p>These non-verbal methods are especially crucial to discuss ahead of time. While safewords will sound out of place in the experience, thus triggering a stopping point, many gestures can seem somewhat natural depending on what\u2019s happening. The dominant partner(s) should know exactly what the gesture is and be on the lookout for signs of discomfort.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"howtochooseasafeword\"><strong>How to choose a safeword<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>As we\u2019ve pointed out, using what might feel like an obvious word (&#8220;stop&#8221; for example) isn\u2019t the best idea when choosing a safeword. What you should aim for is a word that is easy to remember, but that wouldn\u2019t normally find its way into the bedroom.<\/p>\n<p>Stay away from anything that\u2019s too complicated, like phrases that are more than one word, or a word that isn\u2019t super common to you. Try to pick something basic, that will stick in your head easily but isn\u2019t going to blend in with the encounter. Nouns are usually best for this; try sticking with people, places and things.<\/p>\n<p>Popular options include colours, animals, food and celebrities.<\/p>\n<p>Some <a href=\"https:\/\/www.menshealth.com\/sex-women\/a40107095\/safe-word\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\">experts<\/a> suggest using something that would come off as revolting to participants, in order to ensure that play is halted immediately. If that sounds appealing to you consider choosing something political or off-putting.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The traffic light system<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>A very popular, tried-and-true safeword system within BDSM is the traffic light system. The traffic light system is a way to verbalise the different levels of engaged, kinky, or enthusiastic you\u2019re feeling during sex. It\u2019s an excellent way to monitor your partner\u2019s interest and comfort throughout sex.<\/p>\n<p>The traffic light system has three levels: green, yellow and red. The intricacies of each level may vary from partner to partner, depending on a range of personal preferences and experiences, but for the most part, the levels suggest this:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Green<\/strong>: I\u2019m enjoying this, please keep going<\/li>\n<li><strong>Yellow<\/strong>: This is nearing my limits, continue with caution, this is okay but no further, etc.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Red<\/strong>: stop immediately<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As you can see, the inclusion of a middle ground (yellow) leaves room for interpretation between partners. This should, of course, always be predefined before sex so there is absolutely no room for confusion. Feel free to make the system your own, that\u2019s why it exists &#8211; to protect and enhance your sex life.<\/p>\n<p>Another benefit to this system is the ability for the dominant party to take more initiative in proactively checking in with their partner. A common way of doing this is simply calling out &#8220;Give me a colour&#8221;, which can easily be incorporated into sex without taking you out of the moment. This can be useful as it takes a lot of pressure off of the submissive party to speak up, and instead invites them to share in a safe and non-judgmental way.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Popular safewords<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bustle.com\/wellness\/most-common-safe-words-people-use-during-sex\">most popular safewords<\/a> fall into a few categories: celebrities, colours, fruits, foods, animals and sports, to name a few. If you\u2019re looking for inspiration, here\u2019s a selection of the most popular options:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Donald Trump<\/li>\n<li>Kelly Clarkson<\/li>\n<li>Red<\/li>\n<li>Pineapple<\/li>\n<li>Banana<\/li>\n<li>Oklahoma<\/li>\n<li>Justin Bieber<\/li>\n<li>Peach<\/li>\n<li>Apple<\/li>\n<li>Latte<\/li>\n<li>Sushi<\/li>\n<li>Poodle<\/li>\n<li>Chicken<\/li>\n<li>Tofu<\/li>\n<li>Marmite<\/li>\n<li>Unicorn<\/li>\n<li>Tennis<\/li>\n<li>Water Polo<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>No matter what you choose, make sure it makes sense to you and your partner.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3686\" src=\"https:\/\/vivastreetuk.wpengine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-2.png\" alt=\"couple about to kiss\" width=\"1080\" height=\"608\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-2.png 1080w, https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-2-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-2-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-2-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/importance-of-safewords-2-600x338.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 1080px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">&#8212;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 id=\"safewordsandgroundrulesinbdsm\"><strong>Safewords and ground rules in BDSM<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Establishing safewords can be a great opener to incorporating other ground rules for BDSM into your sex life. Much like every other aspect of a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship\/\">healthy relationship<\/a>, communication is critical to maintaining a positive and trusting environment.<\/p>\n<p>Any time you want to switch it up and try new things in the bedroom it will be key that you make space with your partner to have a conversation ahead of time. Make sure it\u2019s a conversation where all participants feel like they have equal footing and are given a chance to voice their wants and concerns.<\/p>\n<p>Remember, the rules you set may seem rigid in theory, but they actually allow for freedom in practice. There is nothing more important in BDSM than trusting your partner. Safewords are just the beginning of healthy ground rules for BDSM.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"safewordsareimportant\"><strong>Safewords are important<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>If you\u2019ve been curious about whether or not you should start using a safeword &#8211; let this be the sign you\u2019ve been looking for. Safewords are beneficial for everyone and can be easily incorporated into your sex life no matter where you\u2019re at in your exploration.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Safewords are one of the most well-known components of BDSM. Although many people may believe that safewords are only necessary if you\u2019re deep within the BDSM community, it\u2019s actually a recommended practice for anyone engaging in sex with a partner (or partners). What is a safeword? Why do we need safewords? When to use safewords? [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3689,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"CBBTypography":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[223],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-3652","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-and-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3652","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3652"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3652\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3689"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3652"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3652"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3652"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=3652"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}