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- What are kinks and fetishes?<\/a><\/li>\n
- How to talk about kinks to your partner<\/a><\/li>\n
- What if they\u2019re not into it?<\/a><\/li>\n
- 7 tips for talking about kinks to your partner<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Keep reading if you\u2019re ready to talk to your partner about your sexual desires. We\u2019ve sourced the top tips and advice to prepare you to talk about kinks with your partner. Maybe you\u2019ll try out that one sexy scene in real life very soon.<\/p>\n
Scroll down to find out more.<\/em><\/p>\n
What are kinks and fetishes?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
We all know kinks and fetishes, but do you know what they really mean?<\/p>\n
Though kinks and fetish are sometimes used interchangeably, they have slightly different meanings.<\/p>\n
Sexual kinks refer to a consensual sexual activity outside of mainstream sexual desires. The meaning of kink can change from person to person. For example, you might think sex toys<\/a> are kinky, but they\u2019re standard sexual practices to another. Typical kinks include BDSM<\/a>, rope play<\/a>, and more alternative desires<\/a>.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, a fetish refers to a strong sexual desire. For most fetishes, this object or act must be present or in the person\u2019s mind for them to feel aroused. If the fetish isn\u2019t present, the person can\u2019t become turned on. Examples of fetishes include feet<\/a> (an object) or having sex outside<\/a> (an act).<\/p>\n
Is there a difference between kinks and fetishes?<\/span><\/h3>\n
These two terms are very similar, and it\u2019s easy to see how they are often confused.<\/p>\n
The key difference is a need versus enjoyment. If you like to participate in a sexual act but don\u2019t need it to become aroused, it\u2019s a kink. If you need to engage in a certain act to become aroused, it\u2019s a fetish.<\/p>\n
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How to talk about kinks to your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n
So, you\u2019ve realised you have a kink or a fetish. But how can you talk about kinks with your partner?<\/p>\n
Be honest<\/span><\/h3>\n
Communicating with your partner can be more difficult than exploring your kink solo. But an honest conversation can open your sex life to better orgasms and more pleasure.<\/p>\n
Remember that honesty is always the best route when talking to your partner. There will likely be questions, so be prepared to answer what you truly like and dislike. The clearer you are, the better the experience will be.<\/p>\n
Sharing more is better than less. This will create an honest communication channel and will likely lessen any strong negative reactions from your partner.<\/p>\n
Opt for I-statements<\/span><\/h3>\n
The best way to discuss your desires is with \u201cI-statements\u201d, but what are these?<\/p>\n
I-statements are here to explain how your fetish or kink makes you feel. For example:<\/p>\n
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- \u201cI think it\u2019s hot when\u2026<\/em>\u201d, or<\/li>\n
- \u201cI love how X makes me feel.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
This highlights how you\u2019re focusing on your pleasure and not pressuring them into anything they don\u2019t want to do.<\/p>\n
Try not to come across as forceful with \u201cyou\u201d phrases. \u201cYou must\u201d<\/em>\u2019 or \u201cyou have to\u201d <\/em>could make your partner uncomfortable and reluctant to try anything new. These phrases could also feel like critiques to some, so focus on your pleasure and feelings.<\/p>\n
Use affirmations<\/span><\/h3>\n
Affirmations can be very helpful when discussing new kinks. And no, we\u2019re not talking about the \u201cI am love\u201d positive morning affirmations. We\u2019re talking about using phrases such as:<\/p>\n
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- \u201cI am turned on by you.\u201d<\/em>, and<\/li>\n
- \u201cI love our sex life, and I\u2019d like to add more pleasure.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Your new desires might take your partner by surprise. Remind them that your kinks and fetishes are a fun addition to your current sex life and not an admission that you\u2019re currently very unhappy with it.<\/p>\n
Some partners might feel insecure about their performance after hearing about your kinks. Take time to reassure your partner that you love them and that your kinks are about exploring new sensations. Combining your desires and your relationship can open a space for more trust and intimacy.<\/p>\n
Keep the conversion sex-positive<\/span><\/h3>\n
Ideally, you\u2019ll want to have a sex-positive conversation with no kink-shaming. Some couples might find talking about kink easier than others. If this sounds like your relationship, you\u2019ll be able to jump into the conversation with ease.<\/p>\n
However, if your partner isn\u2019t open about sex, you might take the conversation slower – especially if your kinks and fetishes are more uncommon. Perhaps start with \u201ctamer\u201d ideas and build up to your true desires. While this isn\u2019t ideal, it\u2019s important to understand that your desires are new to the other party. Give them the benefit of the doubt before plunging them into the deep end.<\/p>\n
Throughout your discussion, keep the conversation sex-positive and ask your partner to be open-minded. There\u2019s no room for negativity here.<\/p>\n
Talk consent<\/span><\/h3>\n
Consent<\/a> is, and will always be, the top priority in sex. Whether you\u2019re engaging in vanilla sex<\/a> or something new and exciting, without enthusiastic consent, you can\u2019t proceed.<\/p>\n
When discussing your fetishes and kinks with your partner, ask for their consent and only continue if you have an enthusiastic yes. Additionally, if you engage in sexual acts, communicate throughout the play to ensure they\u2019re having a great time.<\/p>\n
Consider boundaries<\/span><\/h3>\n
Boundaries are an important aspect of a kink conversation too. We don\u2019t all have the same preferences, so make sure you are both clear on how far you\u2019re willing to go. This will ensure both parties are comfortable and on the same page.<\/p>\n
What if they\u2019re not into it?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
When getting ready to talk about kinks with your partner, you must accept that they might not be into your desires. They\u2019d be 100% on board with your desires in an ideal world. But we\u2019re all different, and sexual desires are very fluid.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t feel attacked if your partner doesn\u2019t consent to your kinks. This isn\u2019t a critique of you and your personality. Desires are normal and part of life. Your sexual preferences will always be valid.<\/p>\n
To reduce the chance of awkward moments:<\/p>\n
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- Explain your kinks in as many details as possible<\/li>\n
- Talk about boundaries, expectations, and any fears about exploring the acts<\/li>\n
- Show your vulnerable side and remind them that it\u2019s okay if they don\u2019t want to try the sex out<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
If it\u2019s a strong no, consider your options. Are you okay with exploring your kinks<\/a> alone or keeping them as a fantasy? Many couples have one party that doesn\u2019t act out certain kinks, and they remain okay with this.<\/p>\n
But if your fetishes and desires are a dealbreaker for you, you might need to have an honest conversation about your sexual needs. Relationships need sexual compatibility, so consider whether you\u2019re the right fit for each other.<\/a><\/p>\n
- \u201cI love our sex life, and I\u2019d like to add more pleasure.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- \u201cI love how X makes me feel.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- How to talk about kinks to your partner<\/a><\/li>\n
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