{"id":4527,"date":"2023-08-14T13:08:57","date_gmt":"2023-08-14T12:08:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/?p=4527"},"modified":"2023-08-14T13:08:57","modified_gmt":"2023-08-14T12:08:57","slug":"qa-sex-educator-gigi-engle-on-kinks-and-how-to-explore-them-safely","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vivastreet.co.uk\/blog\/qa-sex-educator-gigi-engle-on-kinks-and-how-to-explore-them-safely\/","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: Sex educator Gigi Engle on kinks and how to explore them safely"},"content":{"rendered":"

Certified sex educator,\u00a0Gigi Engle<\/a>, teamed up with\u00a0Vivastreet<\/a> to answer your questions on all things kinks from the safety aspects to the importance of aftercare.<\/em><\/p>\n

Want recommendations on the best days, times and places to have sex? Read the previous Q&A with Gigi here<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What are some important safety considerations to keep in mind when exploring kinks?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

There are so many things to consider when it comes to kink and safety – both physical and emotional. <\/span><\/p>\n

Here are the top 3 steps to take to ensure your kink play is A-OK:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

1. Learn your stuff<\/span><\/h3>\n

Workshops, books, and articles online – find sex-positive resources<\/a>. There are many sex-positive places to look online to help you delve deeper into your sexuality. Being good at sex and kink is not something we inherently know how to do. It is a learned behaviour.<\/span><\/p>\n

Take time to learn your stuff – with all forms of sex, but especially with kink. And when it comes to kinks – things that are not a part of the normal sexual script – these skills are even more important. With things like breath play, rope tying<\/a>, and impact play – it can be dangerous if done incorrectly. Taking time to sharpen your skills is necessary to make sure everyone stays safe.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Follow the rules of RACK<\/span><\/h3>\n

In order to engage in kink in a safe way, you need to understand RACK: Risk Awareness Consensual Kink<\/strong>. In RACK, <\/span>you\u2019re engaging with kink with full awareness of the risks and taking steps to ensure the safety of yourself and your partners \u2013 as well as ensuring everyone involved is fully consenting to all aspects of play. Enthusiastic consent<\/a> is an absolute must with kink.<\/span><\/p>\n

Subscribing to RACK means negotiating through a scene (a fantasy acted out IRL) thoroughly with whomever you\u2019re playing with. If you\u2019re playing with bondage<\/a>, for example. You need to negotiate your (and your partner\u2019s) limits, safewords (we\u2019ll get to that), and desires. It\u2019s all about creating a context where both people are safe and enjoying the experience.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Take your time and go slowly<\/span><\/h3>\n

Sometimes people are open to trying something, but can still be a bit nervous or unsure. Maybe it\u2019s you, maybe it\u2019s your partner(s), or maybe it\u2019s both. It\u2019s okay to be nervous when you haven\u2019t tried something before. Take your time and go slowly – checking in as you go to ensure both people feel safe. There is no rush with this kind of play.<\/span><\/p>\n

What are some methods for establishing clear boundaries and consent?\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n

In the intricate landscape of intimate relationships, ensuring clear boundaries and enthusiastic consent is extremely important. These are some of the key steps you should take:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Communicate<\/span><\/h3>\n

BDSM<\/a> comes with risk, which means every scene needs to be highly negotiated and talked through with partners. You need to be crystal clear about your boundaries<\/a> and respect your partner’s boundaries. This means that we need to be aware of every single boundary and work within their confines for the duration of play. Communication throughout the scene can ensure everyone is feeling good and safe.<\/span>\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Employ a safe word<\/span><\/h3>\n

A safeword<\/a> is a *non-sexual* word designed to *stop* all sexual play in its tracks. This word basically means, “I\u2019ve reached my boundary”, “I\u2019m uncomfortable”, “I don\u2019t like this”. It\u2019s a hard STOP<\/strong>. This word is very helpful when you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed, upset, or anxious during sex.<\/span><\/p>\n

A safeword is designed to safeguard your sexual comfort, but shouldn\u2019t be something that evokes sexual meaning. It should be something you both understand means, “The boundary has been reached”.<\/span><\/p>\n

These safewords are useful for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, in certain sexual situations, the word “No” doesn\u2019t work. For instance, if you\u2019re engaged in a ravishment fantasy or a BDSM scene, saying “No” might be a part of your or your partner\u2019s character. So if you say “no”, your partner might not know you literally mean, “NO. STOP”. This has worrying implications. You don\u2019t want to say “No” and not have your partner understand – this can be traumatic.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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\"Sex<\/p>\n

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I suggest using the “Traffic Light System”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Green<\/strong> = I\u2019m all good. Let\u2019s keep playing! Yay!<\/span><\/p>\n

Yellow<\/strong> = I\u2019m reaching a limit\/I need to check in.<\/span><\/p>\n

Red<\/strong> = STOP.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s straightforward and ensures everyone can feel comfortable and confident while playing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Check in regularly<\/span><\/h3>\n

We love a good check-in. This ensures everyone feels safe at all times. Figure out a way to make this a part of the scene – use those safe words! Sometimes ‘yellow’ can denote – “I need a check-in”. This is an opportunity for partners to briefly stop, make sure everyone is doing okay, see if any additional care or precautions are needed, and decide how you\u2019d both like to proceed.<\/span><\/p>\n

What are the potential risks associated with kinks and how can we mitigate those?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

BDSM comes with many risks and fully considering them is essential if we want to engage in this play in a safe and ethical way. Here are some things to consider.<\/span><\/p>\n

Potential risks in BDSM<\/span><\/h3>\n