woman confidently smiling lying on bed

A guide to sexual confidence: 5 ways shy women can become more confident in the bedroom

Sex can be complicated, but it can be even more complex for some women. It’s pretty common for them to feel “shy” and lack confidence in the bedroom, which can be frustrating since you want to be your truest self when having sex.

But feeling sexy and confident in your skin can sometimes be hard. On top of that, the media doesn’t exactly make it easy for women to find their sexual confidence.

That said, you shouldn’t let shyness get in the way of having the time of your life.

In this guide, we’ll look closely at sexual confidence, why you might be feeling shy in the bedroom, and a couple of tips for giving yourself that confidence boost you may need when getting intimate.

Read on to learn more.

What is sexual confidence?

Just like it sounds, sexual confidence is feeling confident in the bedroom or while having sex. But in a broader sense, this is also feeling confident about your sexuality, regardless of how you choose to express it.

There are three main things to sexual confidence: feeling comfortable in your body, knowing that you deserve pleasure, and knowing how to articulate what you need to feel that pleasure. And while it might sound simple, it isn’t so for many women.

That said, if you’re shy in the bedroom, that doesn’t mean you have to turn into a powerful sex goddess overnight. Developing your sexual confidence is a slow process, but it offers many benefits.

Remember, you’re developing sexual confidence for yourself and no one else. You have complete ownership of your body and have the full right to feel sexy in your body and to satisfy your own sexual needs.


confident woman in lacy red lingerie on the bed

Why do some women feel shy in the bedroom?

While sexual confidence can be empowering, many women don’t have that and feel shy and uncomfortable in the bedroom. And here are some of the reasons why.

Some people are naturally shy

To start, some people are just naturally shy. This doesn’t mean they don’t like or enjoy sex, but it could mean that they have a hard time articulating their wants and needs, which goes for anything, not just sex. And the thing is, you don’t have to feel ashamed for feeling shy, but it’s important to know that you deserve to be heard, whether you have specific sexual needs or you just want to speak about something.

They grew up in a conservative family

Another reason a lot of women feel shy in the bedroom is their family upbringing. Many people are born into conservative families, which can greatly affect how a person feels about sex later on.

It’s commonplace in many conservative groups to place a huge stigma around sex, particularly for women. And even if you grow up and leave that conservative space, later on, it can have a lasting effect on your personality. That is why many women in conservative families may feel shy when talking about sex or expressing their sexuality.

Modern media

Moreover, many women being shy in the bedroom is the media’s depiction of a sexually confident woman. There’s a chance that when you think of sexually confident women, you think of the porn industry.

And while there’s nothing wrong with sharing the kinks you may see in porn, that isn’t the only form of sexual confidence. There are tons of women who feel sexually confident but don’t look like the media’s depiction of a sexually confident woman.

The media can perpetuate negative images and stereotypes, especially about women. So, considering the way they portray women who are confident in the bedroom, it’s no wonder there are plenty of women who feel shy in the bedroom.

Personal insecurity

Lastly, one of the reasons you might feel shy in the bedroom are your personal insecurities. This may be about your body, how you look, your hair, or even how your partner perceives your sexual desires. This is natural for everyone, and it can be hard to overcome.

However, getting over personal insecurity starts from within. Remember, accepting and overcoming insecurity is something you should do for yourself. And when you do that, you will start feeling more confident without even trying.

Tips for feeling more confident in the bedroom

The best way to start feeling more confident in the bedroom is by learning to accept yourself. This includes the way you look, your sexual desires, and all. It will take some time to be able to do this, especially if you’re shy in the bedroom, but don’t rush; it isn‘t a race.

However, this isn’t the only way to develop your sexual confidence. There are tons of small things you can do in the bedroom that can make you feel less shy about yourself when having sex and ultimately lead to a more pleasurable experience.

Here are some things you can do to boost your confidence in the bedroom.

Try out sexy lingerie

One tip we can give you is getting your hands on sexy lingerie. We understand that you probably already feel sexy in your regular bra and panties, and that’s because you are. But if you feel shy in the bedroom, getting new underwear that is designed to be extra sexy might be beneficial.

It may seem insignificant, but this can do wonders for your confidence. Seeing yourself in sexy and sultry underwear is a great way to boost your sexual confidence instantly.


Another way to feel more confident in the bedroom is by taking on a different role. Roleplaying can be a lot of fun and could be a way for you to get out of your head while having sex.

This is because roleplaying usually offers people an opportunity to explore themselves. And since you’re playing a different role, it feels like there are much fewer barriers that are keeping you from feeling confident.

Dim the lights

Numerous studies show that men and women enjoy sex more when the lights are dim. This is because the dim lights can form flattering shadows on your body and make you look very sexy without being too dark that you can’t see the movement and your partner’s body.

There are some people that feel shy because they aren’t comfortable with how they look naked. And when you have bright white lights in a room, it doesn’t make it easier. Overhead lighting can be unflattering on the body, especially when it’s strong.

So, if you’re looking to feel a bit more confident while having sex, one great thing you can do is dim the lights to allow you and your partner to see each other in more flattering conditions, greatly boosting sexual confidence.

Put on some oil

Essential oils can do wonders to the skin. To start, it can make you look shiny, and once you see your body in the mirror with oil on, you’re going to feel much sexier in your own skin. On top of that, it can hydrate the skin, making you feel much more confident.

Trust us; once you have your sexy lingerie on and put some oil on your skin, you will look and feel like the hottest underwear model on the planet.

Find what turns you on

Sexual confidence is also about articulating your needs and wants to your partner. And you won’t be able to do this unless you figure out the things that turn you on and make you feel sexy.

So, taking some time to “discover” yourself might be beneficial if you feel shy in the bedroom. It can take some time and a couple of tries, but once you find out what makes you “click” in the bedroom, it will be much easier to express those needs to your partner and have them met in the bedroom.


confident woman in a bra stretching

Things your partner can do to help you feel more confident in bed

If you feel shy when in bed with your partner, communication is key. It’s very important to openly communicate with your partner about your concerns in the bedroom in an open manner. And once your partner understands that you feel shy in the bedroom, it will be much easier for you to work together to help you feel more confident.

This could be in the form of dirty talk, more compliments during sex, or even a subtle change in attitude when you two are in the bedroom. Developing sexual confidence takes time, but when you tell your partner about your needs, it will be a much easier journey for both of you.

Being a little shy is normal

If you feel shy in the bedroom, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. There are countless reasons why many women don’t feel confident in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do about it.

There are tons of things, big and small, that you can do to feel more confident when having sex. And once you develop that sexual confidence, you’ll find the sex with your partner more pleasing and empowering.

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