woman in red underwear holding ball gag in front of man lying on bed in bedroom

A beginner’s guide to using a gag during sex

Ever caught yourself fantasising about gags?

When you think of kink, a ball gag likely comes to mind. Like handcuffs and whips, gags are a famous symbol of kinky sex and BDSM. But do you have to be deep into the kink scene to use it? Or can beginners get down with ball gags too?

Today we’re investigating all about gags, what they are, and how you can get involved. It might not work how you imagined, and there are absolutely more types on offer than most expect.

Ready to dive in? Scroll down to find out how to use a gag during sex.

What is a gag?

A gag is an object put in someone’s mouth to keep it open or prevent any sounds. Gags stop wearers from talking, but they often promote drooling. Usually, gags are ball-shaped, but these kinky accessories come in a wide range of shapes and materials.

While the object’s shape can change, gags are usually attached to a strap that secures at the back of the wearer’s head. These straps can be made from leather, plastic, or textile materials.

To some, gagging might seem simple, but it’s not a type of play that should be taken lightly. Before you get started, make sure you’ve discussed the scene with your partner. Like all sexual activities, active consent before you start is a must.

What attracts people to use gags during sex?

There are many reasons kinksters enjoy adding gags into their sex lives, and the attraction is different for most parties.

The most common attraction to gags is the power play and link to BDSM. Gags make the submissive party reliant on their dom, which can heighten arousal and sensations. Whether gags are used for control or punishment, they’re very sexy to many kinksters.

In addition to BDSM, some have a fetish for drooling and gagging sounds. When someone is gagged, they usually make choking or muffled sounds, which is a major turn-on for many dominants.

When should you use a gag?

Confused about when to put it on? Don’t worry – you’re not the only one. The answer to this question isn’t as clear as you’d want it to be either. The fun part about gags is you can wear them in whichever way feels comfortable for you. For some, this is during intercourse, and for others, this might be for ten minutes in foreplay.

Common situations include wearing an o-ring gag for oral sex or oral penetration. This is a popular option, but for more advanced gag users. Another popular option is wearing it during impact play, as this will muffle any sounds from the submissive.

A gag isn’t limited to foreplay, though. Gags during sex are hot, and this will build on the power dynamic between you and your partner. Often, they are paired with restraints or rope to create a powerful sense of helplessness for the submissive. But you don’t have to be held down. A ball gag can be added to “vanilla sex” too – it’s all about your desires.


Girl with gag withheld by neck chain by a man in red room


Types of gags

If a ball gag isn’t the only type of gag, what else is on the menu for gag play? Here are the most common types of gags.

O-ring gag

As the name suggests, o-ring gags hold the mouth in an ‘O’ shape. These open-mouth gags are usually made of silicone or metal. The ring part is placed behind the wearer’s teeth, and the dominant party can get creative. Alongside simple ring gags, lip gags are also available for those who enjoy humiliation or sissification.

Bit gag

Have you ever heard of pony play? This BDSM play involves power play and a bit gag. A bit gag replicates the gags used for horses, and these are often combined with reins. While some bit gags are flexible, others are hard to give the wearer something to bite down on during impact play.

Ball gag

Ball gags are the most well-known gags available. These gags are typical in BDSM and for beginners, and you can purchase them in many different sizes, colours, and materials. If you’re worried about being able to breathe, you can purchase ball gags with holes in them.

Dildo gag

Interested in taking your gag play to the next level? Dildo gags could be for you. As the name suggests, these gags have phallic dildo shapes instead of balls. This means the wearer has a dildo fixed inside their mouth. However, this isn’t the only variation available. You can also purchase dildo gags with a large dildo on the outside, allowing you to indulge in some alternative penetration.


Pacifiers might not be as intense as other gags on this list, but they’re still used to keep submissive parties quiet. Unlike kinkier options, pacifiers are more common in age play or DDLG relationships. Pacifiers are more often used as a reward, not punishment.


If you have no gags around, tape can come in quite handy… But we’re not talking about any old tape; we’re talking about specialised bondage tape. Designed for human play, bondage tape can be used for restraints and as a gag. Ensure you use professional tape, as this is kinder to your skin.

Spider gag

A spider gag sounds scary, right? Luckily, this type of gag doesn’t actually involve spiders. A spider gag is similar to an o-ring gag as it holds the wearer’s mouth open. However, a spider gag uses hooks to keep the submissive’s mouth open instead of a ring.


If you’re caught up in the heat of the moment and want to create a gag out of thin air, you can use your hands. But breath play isn’t to be taken lightly and should be discussed beforehand.

Gags and safety

The main safety issue with gags is that you can’t talk and thus can’t say safe words. How will your partner know you want to stop when you can’t utter a safeword? Luckily, there are many ways to use a safe word without talking.

Alternatives to safewords:

  • Use a hand signal, like raising your hand or clapping
  • Blink in a specific and pre-selected pattern
  • Hum a tune – such as a Christmas carol
  • Tap on the wall with your arms or legs

Keeping yourself safe during gag play is all about pre-selecting your safe action. The dominant partner is more accountable here, and they must know what the selected signal is.

It shouldn’t be practised if you don’t trust your partner. When you can speak up for yourself, you need to know your partner will take your actions seriously. This is why consent and pre-planning the scene are super important.

It’s also advised to skip gags if you’re sick. When you have a cold or runny nose, you might not be able to breathe with a gag in – and it’s just not worth the risk.


two women playing with a ball gag in underwear

How to choose your gag

Kink and toys are all about what you like. Of course, some gags are better for beginners, but ultimately you should choose one that turns you on. If you’re not excited by the gag, likely, you won’t have a fulfilling time.

Take time to research gags with your partner. This could be through watching some kinky porn or browsing sex toy stores. See how your body reacts and go for it when you get a sensual feeling. Many recommend visiting brick-and-mortar sex shops so you can feel the accurate weight of the gag first.

It might take more than one try to find the right gag, but exploring different types is part of the fun.

Recommendations for beginners

Want to start with a beginner’s gag? Great – the best way to experiment with a new kink is to ease yourself in slowly.

Beginners will want to try ball gags with holes in or soft bit gags. These options allow for easy breathing while you get used to having a toy in your mouth. If you’re feeling nervous, we recommend trying a bit gag, as this puts less pressure on your jaw than a ball gag.

Newbies should only use gags for 10 to 15 minutes at a time. As you become more comfortable, increase the amount of time with the gag and add extra toys into the play. From handcuffs to blindfolds, get creative with your kink play.

Finally, if you’re not having a great time – it’s okay to stop. Sometimes we try new things, and they’re not your cup of tea. This is absolutely cool too.

Try something new

Will you be joining the gag revolution? This sexy accessory can take your sex life to a new level, and there are countless options. Always remember to talk about consent beforehand and have your safe signals planned out. Nothing’s sexier than safe kink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search. Press ESC to cancel.

Back To Top