girl with a gag withheld by neck chain by a man in red room humiliation kink concept

What is a humiliation kink and can it make sex better?

Humiliation is a sensation that most people would typically describe as undesirable, and worth avoiding. However, when done safely, and in a sexual context, it can offer an incredibly intense and arousing experience.

If you’ve ever found yourself curious about humiliation or wondered if you had a humiliation kink, this guide will walk you through everything you need to know. By the end, you’ll be ready to take things to the next level.

What is a humiliation kink?

To put it simply, a humiliation kink is when you experience arousal when you are embarrassed. However, the nuances of this kink cannot be overstated.

A humiliation kink involves your partner (consensually) using psychological and physical acts with the purpose of embarrassing, humiliating, or demeaning you in public or private, with the aim to turn you on.

The humiliating actions or words do not necessarily have to be sexual in nature, although they very often are. For some, this dynamic is reserved primarily for the bedroom. However, others may want it present at all times in their relationship.

As is true quite often in BDSM and kink communities, “humiliating” actions can overlap with different types of play. To satisfy a partner with a humiliation kink, the key is that actions or words should be delivered with the purpose of humiliation. Essentially, the actions or words (whether they involve roleplay, sissification, name-calling, or something else) are a means to an end.

The art of erotic humiliation is that it is an incredibly personal experience. What may embarrass one person would not phase another person, and vice versa. Because humiliation kink gets to the core of how you tick as a person, it requires an extreme level of safety, trust and communication.

Why is being humiliated a turn on?

Outside of BDSM and kink communities, embarrassment is typically regarded as a negative feeling. However, like so many aspects of BDSM, there is empowerment and excitement that comes with exploring the taboo in a safe environment.

Humiliation, of course, hits on some intense emotional triggers – especially when it is done in a targeted and personal capacity.

For some, humiliation may be arousing when it allows non-sexual activities or circumstances to become sexualised. Or taking things a step further, if the humiliation occurs in public, the kink may derive from an interest in other people watching you be humiliated.

Humiliation can also serve as a way to get over sexual hang-ups and shame. For example, queer people may choose to use homophobic slurs in humiliation. Women shamed for their sexual preferences may prefer to be called sluts during play.

These of course should always be agreed upon ahead of time. It’s never advised to start using derogatory language with your partner if they haven’t previously asked for it.


Female hold red stripe with chain connected to collar on neck

Difference between a degradation kink and a humiliation kink

A degradation kink is specifically about treating someone as less than human, or like an object during sex. The dominant partner will treat the submissive with very little human dignity.

A humiliation kink, on the other hand, is specifically focused on causing embarrassment or shame. This is something entirely personal and differs from person to person. Humiliation, and the actions chosen to achieve it, are subjective, and not immediately identifiable between different people.

There is of course often overlap, with many people using degradation as a means to achieve humiliation. However, it’s equally normal to prefer to only be humiliated, but not feel comfortable veering into degrading territory, and on the flip side, to enjoy degradation, but have a boundary against being humiliated.

This is why communication ahead of BDSM play is so critical in order to build trust and create a safe dynamic.

How to tell your partner you want to try humiliation play?

As with almost all things in an intimate partnership, communication is key. Ensure that you have an open, safe, and honest conversation with your partner about your interest in humiliation play. Make sure that all parties have the chance to express their questions, concerns, and interest.

It’s critical to discuss boundaries before embarking on humiliation play. Try to leave no stone unturned. Your partner should know exactly which topics, words or actions will get you aroused, and which ones will cause you harm. It’s also a good idea to introduce safewords if you have not already done so.

How to try humiliation play for the first time?

Like with most new horizons in BDSM, it’s best to start slow. You can always keep at it and pick up the intensity of the humiliation once you and your partner are ready. Remember that this should ultimately enhance your experience, so everyone should feel comfortable and safe.

After you’ve tried it for the first time, be sure to debrief and discuss your experience. This can be a good time to learn if the submissive partner didn’t like anything that was done or said but perhaps didn’t voice it during the scene. Be sure to discuss what worked for everyone, what you liked and want to see more of, and what didn’t work or you hope to avoid in the future. You can also use this time to discuss what else you want to try and introduce new ideas for future play.

Another important thing to do after humiliation play is aftercare. Ultimately, kink and BDSM should always bring you closer to your partner, creating a safer, more trusting, and intimate environment. After particularly taxing or rough play, it is important to reaffirm to your partner their value and use this time to reaffirm your connection. Hugging, cuddling, positive affirmation and praise can all be useful for this.

How to engage in a humiliation kink safely?

Communication, boundaries, trust, and consent are all critical parts of ensuring that humiliation play remains a safe and enhancing experience. All involved parties should be crystal clear on the limits of everyone involved, and never push past those boundaries without consent. This includes the limits of when and where it is okay to engage in humiliation play.

Safewords should be known and used when necessary, and verbal or physical check-ins should be offered between all parties.

Remember that everything done within humiliation play should lead to positive results – so proceed with care.

Means of humiliation

There are a variety of ways you can engage in humiliation play. Some may be immediately arousing, or an immediate turn off, while others you may want to test out yourself before making a call.

  • Verbal humiliation is the easiest method to begin with, and it involves using embarrassing or belittling words with your partner
  • Public humiliation is any kind of humiliation that happens in a setting where people can see it happening, either in public or somewhere like a sex party
  • Physical humiliation involves actions, either performed on the submissive partner, or actions that the submissive is forced to complete

It’s incredibly common to combine several means of humiliation for a particularly intense experience.


A girl in lacy black underwear and a silhouette of a man in jeans and and with a chain. humiliation concept

Humiliation play ideas

If you’re ready to take the plunge into humiliation but aren’t sure where to start, here are some ideas to get you going:

  1. Cum on your partner’s body or face
  2. Call your partner a “slut” or “whore” for enjoying or wanting sex
  3. Forcing your partner to wear embarrassing clothing
  4. Criticising your partner’s physical appearance
  5. Criticising your partner’s sexual performance
  6. Scolding your partner
  7. Forcing your partner to beg
  8. Tying your partner up and leaving them
  9. Requiring permission for any sexual acts, especially requiring permission to cum
  10.  Requiring to be called “Sir” or “Miss”

Humiliation play isn’t for everyone

Remember that it’s always a good idea to start small and work up to more intense play and be sure to have enthusiastic consent from your partner before using any of these ideas.

If you think humiliation play is for you, then you should absolutely give it a go. Humiliation can be a powerful addition to your sex life and result in some of the most mind-blowing experiences you’ll have.

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