young man talking to a sex worker online

The dos and don’ts of interacting with sex workers online: A guide for beginners

The online landscape has transformed how we approach all life aspects – including sex work.

For the most part, this is a welcomed change. It’s easier and more convenient than ever to connect with sex workers and enjoy their services. But it puts clients in a difficult situation – many mistake the rules of online etiquette.

Contacting a sex worker online isn’t like online dating. You can’t just text “You up?’ and expect a booking to materialise. There are a few dos and don’ts you need to know first. And we’re here to help.

Scroll down to get the lowdown on how to interact with sex workers online now.

The importance of responsible online interactions and knowing how to interact with sex workers online

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “It’s just a message”, when talking with sex workers. As professionals, they receive hundreds of enquiries, and constant rude or lazy messages can be unpleasant – and lessen your chance of a booking.

So, drop the idea that you can send a blunt email and get what you want. Like any profession, messaging with a sex worker requires a layer of professionalism to help them understand what services you want and that you’re not wasting their time.

Respect is a significant part of contacting sex workers; you must always respect their boundaries. But a little more on this below.

Dos for engaging respectfully

Being polite is vital to any successful sex worker relationship. Just because you’re behind a screen, it doesn’t give you the agency to lower the tone or send rude requests.

When conversing with a sex worker, provide clear information and your expectations for the session. Take time to look at their online presence and services before and include the ones you’re interested in the message. This gives them an overview of your needs, and thus they can see whether they have availability.

In addition, you should offer your name and a polite hello. Giving a bit of personal information shows you’re serious about making a booking and adds a bit of humanity to the conversation – something that’s often overlooked even though it’s the first basic rule of how to interact with sex workers.

Don’ts to avoid missteps when interacting with a sex worker

Unfortunately, there’s no rulebook for chatting with sex workers online, and many clients accidentally make mistakes or send rude requests.

Here are some of the most crucial don’ts to remember:

  • Don’t send explicit/lewd messages – just provide an overview of the services you’re interested in
  • Don’t be too informal – you’re not online dating; you’re booking a service with a professional
  • Don’t be too vague – offer up when you want to book and your expectations
  • Don’t be anonymous – at least give your name or location so the sex worker can identify you. Remember, sex workers receive many messages and might not remember your number
  • Don’t expect an instant reply – perhaps they’re off the clock or simply busy. Be patient
  • Don’t start nagging the sex worker – as above, they might be busy. Or simply not interested. A few angry texts won’t change that

Want to avoid more don’ts? See the most common mistakes clients make when hiring an escort here.

Everything you need to know about internet etiquette

Getting ready to message a sex worker for the first time? We’ve got your back. Here’s a walkthrough of everything you need to know about how to interact with sex workers online.

How to initiate contact

Initiating contact is the first step, but it doesn’t have to be anxiety-inducing.

When you send your first message, be polite but not too informal – like you’re booking a hair or therapy appointment. Include information about who you are, when and where you want to meet, and the services you want. You can also add a timeframe.

This might seem like a lot for a first message, but it allows sex workers to see you’re serious about booking, and they can instantly see whether they can book you in. Professionalism at its finest.

Respecting boundaries

Boundaries are essential for both clients and sex workers. So, don’t push a sex worker’s boundaries by sending constant messages at all hours of the day or by sending explicit messages.

Likewise, if a sex worker sets a limitation on specific requests, don’t pressure them into doing them. A no is a no. You wouldn’t force your barber to do a cut they don’t want to provide, so why do it to a sex worker?

Discussing services and rates

If your first message gives your sex worker a good overview of your scope and needs, they’ll likely respond with a quote for the services you’re interested in.

Alternatively, you can ask for their service list or rates for specific services. Some sex workers might even have a website with these details — so explore their online presence before asking outright.

Again, you wouldn’t haggle with a barber or be rude to them because of their rates. Like any service provider, sex workers set their rates, which don’t change just because you want them to. If they don’t fit your needs, politely decline. There are plenty of other sex workers out there that’ll be a better fit for you.

Language and tone

Gauging language and tone can be difficult through messaging, but the best route to go is polite and professional.

If you can, avoid using lots of slang. You should also avoid being blunt or rude. Swearwords and explicit language are also a no-go. Friendly and professional is the best middle ground.

Not following this tone guide might result in your request being ignored. After all, why would a client want to work with someone rude and demanding from the get-go?

Consent and respectful requests

If you follow the language and tone guide above, your requests and suggestions will likely be well received. However, to make sure they’re consensual, check in with the sex worker and ask if they’re okay with discussing the services right now and whether these are services they offer.

Ensuring you’re both on the same page at each step of the process is paramount to a consensual relationship. Always be upfront and respect your sex worker if they say no or set a boundary.

Similarly, a sex worker should respect your boundaries and ask you for consent. It takes two to tango, so if your sex worker isn’t checking in with you, they might not be as professional as they seem.

Handling rejection gracefully

Booking a service isn’t ever guaranteed, and sex workers reserve the right to say no at any time.

If your message is met with disinterest or rejection, do not pester them, or send a slew of nasty messages. It’s unpleasant, but the best way to deal with the situation is to walk away quietly.

Sometimes sex workers are too busy, taking time off, or don’t want to provide the requested services. Either way, it’s paramount not to retaliate, as this perpetuates negative stereotypes about sex work and client communications.

Supporting online safety

Finally, consider online safety and privacy throughout all interactions with sex workers.

To keep communications safe:

  • Don’t ask sex workers for their “real name” or address
  • Don’t try to find their personal social media accounts
  • Use discretion and have respect for the sex worker’s private life

You can also keep yourself safe by using reputable platforms to find sex workers. Some clients also use VPNs to mask their IP addresses while chatting with sex workers. However, don’t lie about yourself to the sex worker, as this isn’t respectful.

The takeaway

Chatting with a sex worker online is exciting, especially as it can lead to a saucy meet-up. We hope the guide above has helped you formulate your first message with respect. What are you waiting for? You now know how to interact with sex workers, so send the message!

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