women in lingerie posing in front of a neon light at a sex party

Sex party etiquette: Everything you need to know before going to your first sex party

It’s easy to get intimidated by a sex party, but they are usually very accepting environments where one can be their true selves.

Picture a sex party. Pretty hard to do, isn’t it?

Well, that’s because not many people are sure what sex parties are, what you do at one, and what to do before you go to one.

There are tons of types of sex parties. Some may be a bit intense for some people, while others are more social gatherings where people get to play games and get to know each other before everyone has sex together.

Sounds fun, right?

Sex parties can be a lot of fun, but if you’ve never been to one before, you need to know a couple of things before doing so. And in this article, we’re looking at sex party etiquette and everything you need to know before going to your first sex party.

What is a sex party and what happens during one?

As the name suggests, a sex party is simply a gathering where people have sex. These are sometimes referred to as play parties in the BDSM community and can encompass a wide variety of events.

All sex parties share a couple of qualities. Generally, these are either private or semi-public events where the attendants get to have sex with each other at some point. And sometimes, all of this happens within the full view of the other guests.

Nowadays, there are tons of sex parties that happen, and quite frequently at that. On top of that, they aren’t too hard to find. Most of the time, all it takes is a quick Google search, and you have a list of tons of sex parties near you.

That said, not all sex parties are the same. Some are strictly for one gender and sexuality; others are for people who bring their partners for a “swinging” or “swapping” experience, while others are more free-for-all.

It might seem intense for people who aren’t interested in this kind of thing. Still, it’s often a safe space for people with similar kinks and sexual interests to express themselves and explore these fantasies with other like-minded individuals.

Why go to a sex party?

Sex parties aren’t for everyone. They have been, are, and will always be something for a niche group of people. These are parties and gatherings for people who share different kinks and are all consenting adults.

And while it might seem like a complex community to get into, it isn’t. When you’re at the right sex party, it’s easy to feel at home. Since most people are there for the same reasons, you aren’t going to be judged for fulfilling your sexual desires with consenting adults who wish to do the same.

It’s also a great place to meet new people, try out new kinks, and just explore modern sexuality as a whole.


woman in a blindfold with a man grabbing her hair bdsm

Who are sex parties for?

A large chunk of sex parties thrown nowadays are within the BDSM community. However, these parties aren’t exclusive to BDSM practitioners. There are many sex parties and orgies designed for LGBTQ individuals, those who want to explore the stag and vixen lifestyle, and those who just want to try out sex with multiple people.

These are safe and consenting spaces where adults can do that. So, if you’re interested in trying out group sex and similar activities safely, this could be a party for you to attend.

Do I have to have sex at a sex party?

It’s easy for people to assume that you have to have sex with another person when you’re at a sex party. However, that isn’t the case. Consent is a massive part of the sex party etiquette, regardless of where and when it takes place. If you wish to have sex with another person or persons at the party, they need to give their consent.

So, if you don’t want to have sex at a sex party, you can just politely refuse. All sex parties have strict rules on consent, so you can rest assured that you won’t have to participate in your first sex party, especially if you aren’t feeling it with anyone there.

That said, there are some rules against people not participating in certain sex parties. If you don’t participate or don’t feel like participating, they might ask you to leave, depending on the party’s rules.

Things to do before going to a sex party

Before you go to a sex party, there are a couple of things you have to do. After all, going to a sex party can be a pretty unique and intimidating experience if it’s your first time. But if you prepare right, it will be much easier to get comfortable and explore your options.

Here are some things to keep in mind when joining your first sex party to make sure you follow the “sex party etiquette”.

Find the right party

First, you have to find the right party. There are tons of sex parties, and all of them cater to different niches and people. Laws on sex parties may vary from place to place, and some parties may have to use codewords to attract the right people. Finding the right party might take some research and effort, but it’s crucial if you want to have fun and feel comfortable at the party.

Check the rules

Each party has its own set of rules. Again, the most common rule that you’ll find at all sex parties is a strong emphasis on consent, which is present at any sex party. But on top of that, parties may have rules like no photos, what clothes you’re supposed to wear, and other things along those lines.

Again, each party’s rules are different. And before going to a sex party, it’s crucial to read up on those rules. Breaking the rules might have you sent out of a party, not allowed entry, or might even ban you from joining any other sex parties in the future.

Set clear boundaries

It’s easy to get carried away by emotions at a sex party. This is why it’s very important to set your boundaries before going to one. Otherwise, you might find yourself having difficulty deciding in the moment. If you set boundaries beforehand, it will be much easier to figure out what you want or don’t want to do during the party.

Pack a “go-bag”

With sex parties, your go bag should contain some things that won’t be there at the party. Usually, these parties provide condoms, lube, and other common sex tools. However, some people may have latex sensitivities, don’t react well to the lube, or would simply be much happier in a larger condom.

You want to be prepared at the sex party, so there’s no harm in bringing supplies in a go-bag.

Bring a friend

It may sound weird, but you might want to bring a date with you to your sex party. Most clubs and parties won’t allow single guys to go in alone. Instead, they have to bring a partner with them. So, you may want to float the idea to a friend, partner, or even someone you’re having casual sex with.

On top of that, bringing a friend might allow you to feel more comfortable at the party. That way, you have someone you know you can trust with you who you can talk to whenever you feel uncomfortable.


people at a party having fun

What not to do at a sex party

There are certain things that you can’t do at sex parties. As mentioned earlier, each party will have its own set of rules. But here are some of the common ones you might find at your first sex party:

  • Always have sex with a condom
  • No taking pictures or videos
  • Don’t go past your and your partner’s boundaries
  • Don’t do anything without asking

Again, the sex party you may be attending might have some even more specific don’ts. And a lot of times, these don’ts are unspoken. So, when in doubt, you may want to ask someone whose been to sex parties before and ask them for advice on sex party etiquette.

How to find a sex party near you

Finding a sex party might seem like a tough ordeal. But there are actually tons of options for you if you live in the UK. There are tons of sex clubs that host these kinds of parties for guests and members. To find them, all you have to do is search “sex parties UK” on the internet, and you will find tons of results.

You might also want to put in specific keywords like “sex party UK BDSM”, “sex party UK swingers”, or “sex party UK LGBTQ” depending on your preferences and the types of parties you want to attend.

Some of the most popular swinger and sex clubs in the UK include:

  • Killing Kittens
  • One Night Parties
  • Torture Garden
  • The Private Club

Sex parties can be a lot of fun

Many people believe sex parties don’t exist, and if they do, they are only for a select few people. This is a misconception. There are tons of semi-private sex parties in the UK that you can join if you meet the requirements.

But before going to one, it’s important to be prepared. Sex parties can be overwhelming, so make sure to do the research and follow the sex party etiquette before walking through the doors.

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