show of man in leopard underwear at a sex party

What to expect from your first sex party

The day has finally arrived. Tonight, you’re going to your first sex party. But what on Earth should you expect from the evening?

We’re covering everything you should expect at your first sex party, plus what to do when you arrive and how to prepare. It’s going to be a night to remember. Now, let’s get you ready for the ball!

Scroll down to take control of your first time and be a sex party expert in minutes.

How to prepare for a sex party

Getting ready for a sex party is critical, especially if it’s your first time. Here are some quick tips to memorise before you leave the house.

  • Read the party rules – Yup, sex parties have rules. These usually include using condoms, not touching others without consent, and wiping down surfaces after getting busy. Be safe and ready for your specific party’s rules to be sure
  • Know general sex party etiquette – Alongside rules, the sex party scene has lots of general etiquette you’ll need to brush up on. Luckily, we’ve covered the main tips in a blog already
  • Prepare your body – We’re going to be frank: part of preparing for a sex party means giving your body (and genitals) a good clean. Scrub, shave, moisturise, whatever feels good to you. Just make sure you arrive fresh and clean
  • Gather your tools – Next, gather your sexy tools. This could be your favourite lingerie, some sex toys, and some lube. Also, don’t assume the party will have condoms. Bring your own pack to be safe
  • Have an exit plan – Finally, ensure you have an exit plan ready. If you feel uncomfortable, you don’t want to get overwhelmed and freeze. Know a way to get home so you can dip if it’s not your vibe

Still on the fence about going to a sex party? Read our complete guide to sex party etiquette to learn more about these saucy gatherings.

close up of condoms in a red lights at a sex party

What to do when you arrive at a sex party

The night is young, and there are endless possibilities. Here’s what you should do when you arrive at a sex party.

Note there isn’t usually lots of sex going on at the start of the night. So, don’t worry if most guests are just drinking and talking. Be patient and allow the night to unfold.

Take deep breaths

It’s common to feel overwhelmed at first. Be mindful and take a few deep breaths if you feel anxious. 

Be friendly

Next, make sure you wear a smile. Emotional connection is vital to good sex. So, you’ll have to work the room and engage in polite small talk to build up a rapport. 

Don’t be pushy

You might be dropping thousands of hints and batting your eyelids, but if your sex party crush isn’t acting on the hints, it’s best to stop and retreat. Sex parties are strict on unwanted advances, so you don’t want to build up a reputation as a boundary breaker.

Follow what feels right

If a connection feels good, and your partner(s) is flirting back, don’t get too caught up in your thoughts. Keep the good vibes going and see what happens.

No gawping

Watching can be totally sexy at a sex party. But don’t look like you’ve just seen fire for the first time. When people start getting it on, act casual and avoid making anyone uncomfortable.

Don’t focus on sex

Our final tip might seem like it’s in the wrong blog, but it’s true. If you’re basing the success of the night on whether you have sex or not, you might be in for disappointment. Instead, enjoy meeting new people and unwinding.

Unexpected sex party things you might not know

Sex parties are full of surprises, and these are some common occurrences that you haven’t considered:

  • Sex parties can be quite cliquey – Since sex parties and swinging communities draw smaller audiences, returning guests aren’t always open to newcomers
  • The parties take a while to get started – Nope. No one drops their pants at the door. Often, it takes hours for the sex to begin
  • Women initiate most of the sex – Despite standard dating advice, women are the majority of the initiators on the sex party scene
  • Vanilla parties are more forward than kink ones – That’s right. Vanilla sex party guests tend to be more forward and kink and BDSM. This is a general trend noted by swingers online

two men kissing at a sex party

Why you shouldn’t expect to play at your first sex party

Yes, you read that right. It’s common for individuals not to have sex during their first sex party.

While that goes against most objectives, it doesn’t mean you’re going to have a bad time. Sometimes, attending a sex party is a shock to the senses, and many find themselves watching or simply enjoying the vibes.

Usually, you’ll feel more comfortable and ready to dive into the fun on your second or third visit. This is especially true if you’re attending a party with the same group, as you’ll see some familiar faces and won’t have to introduce yourself and build rapport again.

Also, since sex parties are super social environments, many find themselves simply talking to others all nice. Yes, this can lead to some mind-blowing sex. But remember that sex isn’t a guarantee, and you must respect others if they say no.

Gender bias at sex parties

Depending on the type of sex party you sign up for, your gender/biological sex might make it more challenging to get some action.

For example, at more hetero-focused sex parties, couples are usually looking for a single female to play with. So, single straight males tend to get left out a little more. In this case, a club that caters to singles rather than couples is the better option.

Research the different types of clubs in your area before choosing the right one for you.

Age ranges at sex parties

Another factor to be aware of is the age range that will be at the sex party. To most people’s surprise, many UK sex parties actually have older demographics (approximately 40 to 50 years old). This busts the myth that sex parties are full of university students getting it on.

So, if you’re picky about age or want to ensure you’re partying with people who are the same age, read the small print before you sign up. If there aren’t any age ranges on the event information, you can find good reviews on sex party forums (such as r/Swingers).

The takeaway

The best way to get over the nerves before a sex party is to just turn up and push through the awkwardness. However, ensure you know the rules and etiquette before diving in. Hopefully, this blog has helped you get ready for your first party. Now, go forth and enjoy!

Read more about sex and relationships on the Vivastreet blog.

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