Thanks to the digital era, sex is right at our fingertips.
A hybrid of phone sex, sending dirty messages or “sexting”, can spice up your relationship, or tease a potential new lover from a distance.
What is sexting?
It’s a common type of erotic communication that is supposed to be fun, provocative and lay the groundwork for sexual activity.
Sexting can include:
- Explicit or naked/semi-naked pictures/videos
- Photos/videos of sexual acts
- Messages with sexual language or discussing or proposing sex acts
- Live chats on webcam involving sexual acts
Tips on how to sext
There is no rule book for sexting.
It’s really about how the individual feels or what makes them feel sexy or gets them off.
Everyone has their own unique way of delivering this through steamy messages for their intended purpose.
But there are some effective pointers that can boost your confidence, familiarise you with sexting culture, and have the recipient feeling ready for takeoff.
Are you looking to turn a woman or man on via tantalising text messages? If the answer is yes, read our tips to learn how to sext like a pro and up your sexting game.
1. Firstly, ask for consent
For a hot sexting session, there needs to be a mutual effort.
Just because you’re in the mood for hot messages, it doesn’t mean the other person is.
Try hinting at it instead of going from zero to a hundred, which can be off-putting, especially if they’re not in the headspace for it.
You can start off lightly with mild flirting, such as “Hey hottie”, and wait to see if they respond constructively before getting deeper into it.
Or, be direct and ask if they’re up for sharing some NSFW (not safe for work) thoughts.
2. Send a hot nude or sexually enticing photo
Nude photos are the hottest types of sexts – especially when you both feel comfortable, trust, and are deeply attracted to each other.
It’s perfect for triggering arousal and enticing solo or mutual masturbation.
But don’t always feel that you have to be completely stark naked; sometimes less is more. A sexy photo in underwear is a certified teaser and will leave a lot to the imagination.
Tip: So your nude photo doesn’t pop up on their lock screen, start with NSFW and hit return a few times before uploading the photo.
Note: Do not send a nude unless you feel completely comfortable and never feel pressured to send one. Before sending a nude, check our safety advice below.
3. Get down with the emoji sex code
Whether you’re a little prudish or reserved, using emojis that are known or can be interpreted as sexual innuendos can help set intentions without words.
For example, the eggplant (🍆) and banana (🍌) are symbols for the penis. The pussycat (🐱) represents the vagina while the peach (🍑) references the buttocks. The splashing sweat droplets (💦) suggest wetness or ejaculation, and if you want to indicate desire, choose the winking emoji with the tongue sticking out (😜).
The emoji sex code can help you maintain a code of conduct if you’re sexting in public. Why not add some sexy memes and GIFs in the equation too to give more fun and detailed context to your messages?
4. Share an erotic fantasy
Not only can you discover whether the other person has similar sexual interests, but it will let them know how kinky you are, which can be a huge turn on.
You don’t have to be direct either, you can just say “you’ve been a bit naughty today, I think you need a spanking.”
Sexting is the chance to dip your toes in fetish waters if you’re yet to explore them.
5. Ask steamy questions
As sexting is a sexual conversation, don’t hold back from asking some racy questions.
It can be an effortless way to know what the other person is thinking, and can even help you paint a vivid image of their sexual fantasies.
These questions can be as simple and straightforward as: “What’s your sexual fantasy?”, “What turns you on the most?” “Do you have any fetishes?” “What part of my body are you most interested in?” “What makes your orgasm?”
If you struggle to be spontaneous, come up with some saucy key questions beforehand to keep communication flowing and prevent awkward hiatuses.
6. Send sexy voice notes
Don’t underestimate the power of voice notes.
The sound of your voice can tap into their audial desires, enticing more interest and building a stronger connection.
A lot can be gathered by the cadence and timbre in someone’s voice, which can give them a deeper indication about how the other person feels and their personality (if you’ve just met them).
It will have them thinking: Do they sound excited? Are they a good listener? How do they express their thoughts?
Even if you’re not talking dirty, that doesn’t mean they can’t imagine you saying wonderful things. A voice note with masturbatory sounds can be overwhelmingly hot too.
Tip: Lower your voice and speak softly for sex appeal. Don’t use voice note too much. Build anticipation by sending one now and again, so their heart races every time they come through.
7. Take it slow and tease
Just like sex, there’s no need to rush into it. Warm-up, take your time and don’t reveal too much in the first few sexts.
Remember, sexting is all about building anticipation to make things more thrilling, like foreplay.
Start the conversation with an opening that suggests that you’re up for a bit of naughty play.
A selfie of your cleavage, lips or neck can grab their attention, or if you both have one, bring up a hot memory that neither of you can forget. That will certainly turn up the heat.
8. Be creative and make-up scenarios
Step out of your comfort zone and get sexually creative.
You can let your mind run wild with some raunchy role-play, including ones that break taboos such as boss and employee and teacher and student.
Or, make up a scenario to see how the other person would handle the situation, such as “if we were left alone for 5 minutes in a private space, what would you do to me?”
Don’t forget to be creative with language too. Using some exciting metaphors and euphemisms to conceptualise each other’s genitals can bring a different dynamic than constantly using “vagina”, “penis”, “pussy” or “dick”.
You can refer to these erotic regions as things like a “treasure trove”, “flaming weapon”, “honey pot”, “chopper”, or “lollipop”.
Being creative will get the other person thinking and can create a broader and more vivid image.
Sexting examples and ideas
Whenever you’re feeling stuck for ideas, below are some sexting examples that can help get you started or your creative juices flowing.
When you want to pique interest: “You’ll love what I have on underneath this dress right now.”
When you’re feeling nostalgic: “Remember when we had sex on the kitchen table? I can’t get it out of my mind!”
When you need a midday pick-me-up: “What would you be doing to me if we were together right now?”
When you’re feeling playful: “If I turned up at your house naked under a trench coat, what would you do?”
When you want to try your new sex toy: “Hey baby, just got a new dildo. Wanna play?”
When you’re feeling kinky: “I want you to handcuff me to the bed and give me oral.”
When you want to create a fantasy in your mind: “What colour underwear are you wearing?”
Check out some more great sexting threads here.
Just like any form of consensual sex acts, there are precautions that need to be taken when sexting.
Although it’s important to sext only with people you know and trust, there are still risks involved.
The main risk of sexting is sharing explicit images and videos, as the person you send them to could potentially share them with others.
In worst-case scenarios, it could be used for bullying and blackmail, or even be sold to a website as revenge porn.
There’s also the risk of others accidentally seeing these images, or a person’s device or cloud storage device being hacked and leaked into the wrong hands.
Due to this, if you want to send explicit content of yourself, you should be mindful of including your face in this type of media, as you can be more easily identified.
Facial recognition algorithms could automatically tag you, which could cost you a job or future romantic partner.
Below are some more sexting safety tips:
- Don’t drink (excessively) and sext
- Sext over a secure device
- Delete the evidence off devices used
- Delete EXIF metadata from your photos
- Sext only with people you trust
- Establish rules about thoroughly deleting images before sexting (including digital trash bins and cloud storage)
If you are a victim of revenge porn (the act of sharing sexually explicit materials of another person without their consent), keep the evidence and report it to the website if possible and contact Revenge Porn Helpline.
Likewise, if you’re a victim of cyber-bullying and blackmail, report it to the police.
For more information on sexting safely, click here.